ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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