If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize