Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
