I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
