i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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