Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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