How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
