i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pants are for mortals
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
