it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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