Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
