never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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