areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
