Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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