I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize