Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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