a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
