Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
