i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize