We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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