Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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