i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
