My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
