How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she told me i tasted like america
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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