bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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