They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
