goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize