Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
