even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
