I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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