Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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