No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
