Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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