My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
