So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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