i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
