party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
