I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
