He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
