Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
