Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you would pick up someone in the library
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
