I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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