the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
