my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
