Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
