Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
