I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize