My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
