I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
