just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
