im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What drink are we having for lunch?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
