Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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