So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
