Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
