I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
