Cold hands, warm shart.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
