Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
