Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
