remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize