Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
