she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
