My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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