I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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