You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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