I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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