Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
