You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
whose parrot is this?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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