The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
