one two three fourrrrnication!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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