do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize