If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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