Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
high people should be assigned attendants
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
