You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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