When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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