Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
