No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
