what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont even know how to be here
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
