I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
