i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
