why didn't you poke me back
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
