if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
