Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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