I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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