if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize