im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
