Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize