First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
