someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
