You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
