That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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