there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
