the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
