How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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