Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
