i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
