In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
did you just send me my own nude
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
