Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
