mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize