i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
