there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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