you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
