I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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