i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
why is half of my head shaved?
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